very sad

Well.... the results are in. They are NOT good. I have a bad erosion. I am losing my band and am very stressed about it. I am so afraid I will gain all this weight back .

I tried to talk the surgeon into converting me to something else while he's taking the band out, but he just insists that it is too dangerous. I spent most of yesterday crying.

I talked to the woman from Kaiser today about a bypass. She is going to send me an application. She told me not to send it back right away, because she doesn't want me to be denied due to too low BMI. Imagine.... me?? Too Low BMI???? Never thought I would hear those words. Hmmmmmmm... still too fat to be "normal" but not fat enough for surgery?? What a crappy place to be.

She told me their waiting list is about 9 months!!!! I guess that's not too bad since my stomach will mmost likely not be completely healed for 6 months or so (they say between 3-6...but knowing me it will be the full 6)

I am really truly hoping that I won't even need the surgery. I have learned some good habits in the past 2 1/2 years. I will just have to be dilligent about practicing them.

One of the things I am even more upset about is the plastic surgery. I was so planning it. Now I don't know when it will be. I am thinking I will give myself the 6 months, and as long as I have not gained weight (please, oh please let me not gain weight) I will look at going ahead and doing it. After all, I was planning on having it at the size I am now anyway, and I only planned on losing, at most, another 20 pounds or so. So...... as long as I can stay even I should be good to go.

The surgery is, as far as I know, going to be Feb 7th. I will be in the hospital for at least 2 days. Evidently most people who have this surgery end up with an abccess, so I will be on I.V. antibiotics for a couple of days. Oh Goody. At least the surgery will be done laproscopically.

Don't know if this is going to cure my gastroparesis. My guess is probably not (though I'm not a doctor, I just play one on TV ) In a weird, rather twisted way I am kinda sorta hoping it does not get better. It hurts to eat. I will not gain weight if it hurts to eat, right? Gee.... the girl will do anything to lose weight.....

I'll update after I talk to the surgeon.

Later...