I need to get motivated

My motivation has gone to hell in a handbasket lately. It's not that I don't want to lose weight, it's just that I can't seem to find the motivation to do so.

I am still flirting with 90 pounds. I was as low as 94 pounds lost, but went back up to 90.

I just got back from visiting my family in MI. We spent time with my grandmother. It was quite bittersweet. My grandparents are both 92 years old, and grandpa is in a nursing home. I am pretty sure that was the last time I will see my grandmother. She has been suffering from kidney failure for awhile, but was told it has gotten worse while I was there. I realize I am very fortunate to have reach my age and still have a set of grandparents still alive. I have friends who's grandparents died when they were young, or even before they were born. To be closer to 50 than 40 and still have them is amazing.

I always gain quite a bit of weight while in MI. I have a bad habit of getting off the plane, coming home and weighing myself. OK, OK.... my name is Julie, and I am a scale addict. Anyway, I am usually up 12-15 pounds at this point. I struggle with my eating while I am there, my grandma just doesn't get it. For instance, when we first got there she told me she had not one, but 2 mud pies in the freezer. Now, I know I am an adult, and have the ability to say no, but I don't. I know the only one I will be hurting is myself, yet still I indulge while there. This last time I went with a Who Cares? attitude. I ate badly the whole time I was there. I had cakes, pies, ice cream, milk shakes, candy... all the things I never eat any other time (or extremely rarely... after all this is a life style here, not a diet). Anyway...... I do my usual post flight weigh in, and imagine my surprise when I am up 2.6 pounds!!!! Are you kidding me???? 2.6????? I was expecting 12.6, at the least. Now I wonder how I would have done had I been "good"?

Ah well.... that is spilled milkshake under the bridge.

So........

Here is my plan.

1) Get a fill. I am scheduled next Thursday at 4 PM.

2) Chart my food and exercise. This tends to keep most of us on track better.

3) Exercise!!! I am looking to buy a used treadmill. I would love a new one, but just don't have the 2 grand to drop on the one I would love to have.

4) Have Ron hide the scale. I am too focused on what it says (going back to the scale addiction thing). I have to trust that when I do things correctly, the weight will come off. I really need to cut back to one weigh in a week. Someone help me please...... I have a scale monkey on my back.

5) Keep up on this blog. I have slacked off in the last 2 years (Wow... I am almost at my 2 year mark!!!!) I love getting feedback, it makes me want to do better, as well as has some accountability to it.


So... this is my big plan, so far. I will be checking in at least once a week (though I would love to do more)

So, welcome to the continuation of my journey...........