I'm sooooo depressed

I took Kayleigh to Little Monkey Bizness (a indoor play area) and there was a 20 something mom there. I was taking pictures of Kayleigh, and I heard this mother say something about a grandma. Then I heard Kayleigh say "That's my momma" I heard the mom say something like "Oh, sorry".

This is the first time I have been mistaken for her grandmother (well... at least as far as I know) I actually had tears in my eyes. I realize things are what they are, and that I really am old enough to be her grandmother, but it was still quite upsetting to me ;(

I'm gonna go get my cane and shawl out of storage now...

One year!!!!

Well, it's been one year. Thank you all for going along with me on this journey. Just a warning though... it's not over yet..so please keep all hands inside the ride.

Some random thoughts.....

72 pounds is darn good.

I wish it were more (though, as stated above...72 is darn good)

I am proud of how far I have come.

I try not to look at how far I have to go.

I will get there.

I wish I had exercised more at the beginning.

I am exercising now.

I need to exercise more.

I have had times I was not perfect with my food choices.

I haven't been terrible, and after all.... nobody's perfect.

I am a work in progress and attempting to learn and make better choices every day

I didn't get this big overnight.

I am accepting the fact I will not lose it overnight.

I still have moments I wish I had gone for bypass.

I know that wish is just due to my impatience and somewhat unreal expectations.

I do not regret my choice of being banded as opposed to bypass.

I know it was the correct choice for me.

I still want to eat.

I guess that "head hunger" never goes completely away.

I am getting better every day about listening to my band, it knows whats right.

It has been quite a year for me, I have lost 72 pounds as well as a good friend, Rest in Peace Kelly. I have been really happy, to the point of giddiness, as well as down due to those nasty plateaus. I have seen another friend have bypass soon after my surgery, and doing great. Looking good Jack. I have met a lot of great people thorugh lapband talk. Some I have met in person... some virtual friends. Thank you one and all. I have gotten a lot of feedback, advice and support from everyone... lapbanders and non lapbanders alike. I want you to know I love and appreciate you all.

A special thank you to my wonderful sister Sheila. I love you sis. As well as my sister from another mother, Donna. I am so glad we met, and that you are part of my life.

I guess that is all for now. Must...go...exercise.

Later....

Had a scare

The week before last I went out to eat with some girls from a local doctors group (Dr Kirshembaum... he does lapband surgery here in Aurora for a decent cash price...9K.... he has people flying in from all over the country for surgery) Anyway, I get together with some of his patients once a month or so. We usually go for dinner at Red Robin. I was in my "3 days of crazy eating to jump start my metabolism" I ordered the cheeseburger con queso there. It is fairly spicy, and I do not do spicy... at all.

The next morning I woke up with MAJOR pain in by band area. Eating was agonizing. It was not the usual "OMG, I am so stuck" sort of pain. It was more the "this brand new band is going ot kill me" sort of pain. I felt like I did a day or two post op... terrible pain from my chest up to my shoulder blades on the left side every time I so much as took anything more than a small sip of water.

I was so afraid I had slipped my band. I had all sort of visions of having to have it unfilled/removed.

This happened on Thursday morning, I had a fill scheduled for Tuesday morning. I stuck to prtein smoothies until then. Tuesday before my appointment I took Kayleigh to the Science Museum. We ate in the cafe there and I took a couple of bites of her pizza (just to check out my pain level) I was pain free!!! I went for my appointment and told the Dr's PA what had happened. She assured me I was just really irritated and did not have a slip. She said she sees this fairly often.

I even got a fill!!!! While I was on the table she looks down and says "My, what a large hernia" She could tell it has grown significantly since she saw it a couple of months ago. She told me she was going to talk to Dr Metz about fixing it. She made another fill appointment for me in 4 weeks with Dr Metz. He may stick to his guns on the needing to be at a 35 BMI, but you never know.....

I am quickly coming up on my year (4 more days) I can't believe this hyear has gone so quickly!!!

I am still no losing weigh... I have actually gained the last week or two. I honestly have no idea why.... I'll just keep plugging along though.

more later....

I think my body hates me!!!

I trully do not know what to do. I am just not losing weight. I am exercising as well as eating more. Yep... that's more. I started religiously logging my meals, and I was eating about 600-700 calories a day. I know that is too low, and my body was most likely in starvation mode. I am trying to get in 1200-1400 cals a day. It is not that easy (and I never thought I would say that!!!) I am finding at the end of the day I am still short on cals. My friend Melissa gave me some good ideas on things to eat, Love those mock canollis... thanks Melissa!!!

I am coming up quickly on my year, I am really hoping I can get down at least another 4 by then (to be at 75 pounds lost)


***********************

On a completely different note... we had a tornado near here today. We were in the basement and Ron was calling for me to come outside. He pointed out the funnel cloud to me!!! I RAN back inside, and we watched out the windows the tornado go around (and luckily, past) our house. it was never really that close to us (though it sure seemed that way to me!!!!!) It touched down about 2 miles away, and did some damage to some condos, a Lowes and the mall. I have a real fear of tornados and never want to see one that close again.


Back at ya soon....